My 2017 Summed Up in One Book
I attended the North Texas Teen Book Festival in early March, a few weeks after the release of THE HATE U GIVE. I bought a copy at the event and went to an author panel that included Angie Thomas. I listened to her speak with passion and humor about her just-released book, and I instantly became a fangirl. Since much of the world was still sleeping on the brilliance of this debut author, there weren't throngs of people surrounding her, and I am still mad at myself for not meeting Angie in person when I had the chance.
I read THE HATE U GIVE slowly and had to put it down several times because it was hard and made me feel uncomfortable. But then I felt guilty because I realized this wasn't a book that many people, including my students, could put down and walk away from--this wasn't fiction for them--this was their REALITY. (Talk about a wake-up call to my own privilege.) To say this book changed me is an understatement. I have read many books--fiction and nonfiction-- about police brutality and systemic racism, and I consider myself an advocate for the Black Lives Matter movement. But there was something different about this book. Angie Thomas took an extremely complex issue and examined it authentically from all angles (no spoilers). Starr's voice reminded me of so many of my students--raw and real. I rave about books--that's my job, but this one left me feeling broken and whole at the same time. This is the book that our world needs right now, and I wanted to push it into the hands of as many people as possible when I finished reading it.
Then on April 29, 2017, Jordan Edwards, a beloved freshman at Mesquite High School, was shot by a white police officer while attending a party, and my community was shaken to its core. The pages of THE HATE U GIVE did not just feel like they were ripped from the headlines of our world, but they became our reality. Jordan's name turned into a hashtag, a trending national news story, and he was one of our own--a fifteen-year old kid with a bright smile and a future to match. Killed. By someone whose job it was to protect him.
I did not know Jordan personally, but I know many people who did. I was asked by our school's amazing crisis counselor to participate in counseling sessions with students who were closest to Jordan. (Professional counselors from the Momentous Institute volunteered their time, and MHS staff members were present during these sessions). I listened and cried along with students as they tried to express their feelings that came out in anger and rage--because how else can kids process such horror? Over the last month of the school year, I held grown boys as they sobbed on my shoulder--one who urged Jordan and his brothers to go to the party, so he blamed himself for Jordan's death. One who always rode in the front seat while Jordan's oldest brother drove, but he did not that horrific night because he was grounded, so Jordan sat in the passenger's seat instead. "That should have been me, Mrs. Bailey, not Jordan." His words will haunt me forever.
The school year ended in a shroud of sadness. How do you tell a kid to have a great summer when he's grappling with grief and guilt?
I kept thinking about Starr's story and my students as summer set in. I reached out to Angie Thomas via direct message on Twitter because she was tweeting links to articles about Jordan. She graciously took the time to respond to me, and I will always be grateful for her kindness. She's the real deal.
Summer ended, and my book club kids came back to school asking me, "What are we reading next, Miss?"
In 2015, I started a book club because a kid told me that "reading is for white people." I wrote a blog post about this because it rocked my white world, changing everything I thought I knew about literacy education. That comment ignited my professional journey to examine my own privilege and how it shapes me as an educator--as a human. In this book club, we read ALL AMERICAN BOYS by Jason Reynolds and Brandon Kiely. My plan was to start the new school year with a new crop of kids and read a new book, possibly THE HATE U GIVE, but I worried that it was too soon after Jordan's death. I prayed about it--asking God to show me a way that I could help in the healing of these kids who I love so much.
I will never forget the day He answered.
A copy of THE HATE U GIVE sat on my desk, and one of the boys who knew Jordan best picked it up and started thumbing through it. I admit that I wanted to yank the book out of his hands and say, "No. Don't read that. It will bring it all back," like his grief was something he could lay down. But I knew from looking at this boy that his grief was still a constant companion. Instead of stopping him, something (Someone) told me to wait. I held my breath while he held the book in his hands and read the jacket summary. He looked me in the eye and said, "I think I need to read this."
He took the book home and read a few chapters. When I asked him about it the next day, he said, "I'll admit that I cried a lot. But it helps. Reading this helps."
That's when I knew that we all needed to read THE HATE U GIVE.
I gathered the two book clubs that I had started in the years before--37 kids--and I told them about THE HATE U GIVE, and we talked about how it might be hard to read and that it was completely voluntary. I got signed parent permission slips from each student. A generous person, who wishes to remain anonymous, donated fifteen copies of the book, and my amazing principal paid for the rest--fifty copies total so that staff members could borrow a copy, as well. Some administrators might shy away from a book like this, especially when it hits so close to home for a school community, but my admin read the book and knew it was what our kids needed. And they trust me as a librarian, which is something I do not take for granted.
We started reading the book at the beginning of November and are half-way through with our discussions. Most students are finished with it, and I expect the majority will be when we return from the Christmas break. As always, the students amaze me with their insightful comments. One student said, "This book is human." But the word that permeates our conversations is REAL. This reminds me that just because something isn't real for me doesn't mean it's not reality for others. There are over thirty staff members reading the book as well, and we will have a staff book discussion in January.
Thanks to another generous donation by someone who would like to remain anonymous, we will get to Skype with Angie Thomas at the end of January. My students are ECSTATIC. And so am I.
When my principal bought all of the copies of THE HATE U GIVE, he asked that the students not keep the books so that we could use them again with another group of kids. Even though I want my kids to keep these books, I agreed because I know that budgets are tight, and I want this book in the hands of as many kids as possible. The students got to keep the copies of the books we read last year, so this was not welcomed news when I told them. "You mean we don't get to keep this book?" One girl said as she clutched it to her chest when I reminded her that she would have to return it.
One of my assistant principals, Dr. Wascom, was in the room during this conversation. She was actually meeting with her own book club that night (a group of white, middle-aged ladies) to discuss THE HATE U GIVE, which the group read upon her recommendation. After their discussion, in which they all raved about the book, Dr. Wascom told them the story of the kids being sad that they had to give the books back. "Why do they have to do that?" a lady in the group asked. Dr. Wascom explained, and the next day she received a call from her book club friend, saying that she had ordered twenty-five copies of THE HATE U GIVE to be delivered to Mesquite High School so that our students could keep their own copies of the book. That's over $300 worth of books.
When Dr. Wascom and I told the kids that they got to keep their book because of the generosity of this woman, one of the girls said, "But, Miss, she doesn't even know us..." To keep THE HATE U GIVE on their own bookshelves will be a constant reminder to these students that they are SEEN--that their stories matter to our world, and it will remind them about the kindness of strangers.
If you've been following the trajectory of THE HATE U GIVE, you know that it's not without controversy. It's about HARD things and uses HARD language, which my students say is what makes it real, therefore, it's what makes it relatable. In fact, Katy ISD recently banned it from the district, which is the topic of another blog post for another day. In my experience as a reader, I find that the books that challenge me, that make me think, that push against my preconceived ideas--THESE are the books that change me. For the better.
Here's what THE HATE U GIVE has taught me this year:
Hard conversations are necessary.
Change comes when we lean into discomfort.
Just like Starr, I have a voice, and I need to use it.
Good people exist in this world.
Books matter.
I have said this before, and I will stay it again and again because it is my philosophy: I am not naive enough to believe that books can change the world. But I believe that they are a place to start. It's only when we step into the stories of people who are different from us that we can begin to open our minds and hearts to other perspectives.
There's so much hate in our world, and at times, I feel suffocated by it. But the Love We Give--that is the antidote to the hate.
It's the Love that will save us.
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